


The sun at dawn

by QueenPotatos



Category: Free!
Genre: Haru and Rin are idiots, M/M, canon complient, makoto is the real mom of the group, quasi spoil free
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 22:47:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15694893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenPotatos/pseuds/QueenPotatos
Summary: Rin comes back from Australia to pay Haru a surprise visit. Things don't go as planned though. There's something on Haru's mind, something they should have settled long ago, something that happened in a hotel room in Australia and Haru just wants to know how much Rin knows.Or does he?Only want that?Or is it more?





	The sun at dawn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hello_sunni](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hello_sunni/gifts).



 

 

* * *

It’s just dark enough for them not to exactly see what display on the other’s face, just in case one would have opened his eyes in the middle of the night because he couldn’t find sleep. It’s 4 AM when Haru awakes. Has he ever been asleep? Perhaps not, but his eyes had remained closed until that moment. They had forgotten to shut the blinds and the moonlight reflects in their room, on the bed they share, on Rin’s body half hidden under the blanket. Haru studies him; he’s sleeping in an impossible position, his head flat on his pillow but somehow facing him, his back slightly turned on the side as if he was hesitation between turning on his left and sleeping on his back and hadn’t chosen before closing his eyes. His bangs are getting in his eyes. His breathing is slow and regular. Rin is fast asleep.

 

Haru is not, he’s wide awake now. He can’t put the blame on time zones since there’s not much difference between Australia and Japan. It’s Rin’s words that keep him awake.

 

_‘I have always admired you.’_

 

Haru feels the rush of blood coming on his cheeks just by thinking of them. Out of all the people he had crossed path with, these words had to be from Rin. It didn’t make any sense to him back them, it still doesn’t. Rin is the one who shines, the one who doesn’t need anyone why would he…

 

Now his whole body feels the warmth. It propagates from his head to his neck, his torso his stomach. It’s all coming from Rin, coming from his words, from his body. Haru stretches his arm; his forefinger caresses his cheek where his hair has fallen from behind his ear.

 

_‘Without you I have nothing to aim for.’_

 

The warmth is too much, it aches in his chest and in his eyes and yet he can’t get away from it. Rin is splendid, just like the morning sun. It’s impossible to look away even when his eyes are burning. Haru leans closer, his hand resting on his cheek.

 

Does Rin have any idea of what he does to him?

 

Probably not since Haru keeps a lot of what he feels for himself, which is also a good way not to deal with his feelings at all, especially when they are trouble and undefined – or maybe they are, more and more with each days that pass, but Haru is too afraid to look at them straight in the eyes.

 

Haru is weak. His mind is facing too many things at once and what Rin makes him feel just can’t fit anymore, not when he acts like that, so bold and generous, not when he is exactly what Haru needed at the very moment. There are so many things he feels, needs to say, needs to get out of his mind and chest but he’ll never let Rin find out, not until he feels ready to face it – face them – straight in the eyes.

 

He can feel his breath on his skin, his nose brushing past in own, his hand goes from his cheek to his neck and he closes his eyes. He doesn’t even understand why he’s doing that. It’s Rin, it’s because of his words, of his acts, of his nature, his presence, because he is who he is with all his imperfection and his gorgeous eyelashes and-

 

He can’t feel his breath anymore. His pulse under his finger is getting faster.

 

Haru halts a breath away from Rin’s lips and watches as none of them are moving away for a moment. Rin isn’t opening his eyes.

 

He withdraws on his side of bed and turns his back to Rin; his whole body feels like it’s his heart beating, so strongly it could make the wall of their hotel room vibrate.

 

Even months later it’s a memory that rarely leaves Haru alone every time someone mentions Rin, or when Rin texts him, or calls him, or more rarely knocks on his door unannounced after a ten hour flight.

 

Even when it falls into darkness the sun is still the sun.

 

“Yo.”

 

So typical. So Rin like. He’s still holding his cap in his hand and his huge bag on one shoulder. It’s not too late to tell him to book a hotel or something, but Rin’s isn’t really asking and Haru doesn’t really want him to leave. In a silent common agreement Rin settles there for a couple of nights surrounding the new trials.

 

Haru hates that he feels tensed. They haven’t been alone in the same room for the night since that time. Rin never brought it back – that would have been just as horrible – so he isn’t even sure he had been awake, and if he were, if he remembers or understood what had gone through his mind. It has been bearable until now because Rin had been far or when they met they were never left just the two of them alone – it’s never the same when they are alone, it has always felt different, and Haru is so angry at himself for realising too late what he had always been.

 

Rin decides to cook. He’s wearing his apron on top of his clothes, humming while cooking mackerel – he’s humming and looks happy while cooking mackerel – and it’s so simple but also everything at the same time. It can be just this simple for some time. Rin and him under the same roof, living, just living. He wouldn’t mind that.

 

He had missed him so much.

 

Haru catches himself crying before Rin has the chance to see it. He’s still not ready.

 

 

Rin is still impossible, no matter what he does it always seems to brush Haru’s skin the wrong – good? – way, or maybe it’s just that he’s always hyper aware of everything Rin does, even the most trivial things like the way he cleans the dishes, how he ties his hair in a ponytail and rolls up his sleeves before his hand opens the tab very delicately. It takes a few hours for Haru to figure out he’s still on edge and he hates himself for it. It’s just Rin, what is he scared of?

 

“Haru, can I use your bathroom?”

 

Haru asks him if he has any change and when he finds out Rin has none, he offers him a t shirt and an old pair of shorts he keeps in spare just in case. It’s not that late but Rin is exhausted after his flight. While Rin’s busy Haru gets the chance to look at his phone, a habit he had taken on since he moved in Tokyo. Makoto and Asahi had sent him multiple texts since Rin crashed to his place. There are supposed to see Ikuya tomorrow again, hoping they can finally talk with him before the trials but Haru isn’t sure he can cope with too many things at once.

 

Perhaps if Rin is there, perhaps he…with all the others with them, he can find the strength.

 

He opens the cupboard where he keeps his futon and the spare of blanket and pillow when Rin comes back, his hair wet and smelling like the cherry blossom shampoo he bought a few weeks ago. He walks behind him almost soundlessly. Haru doesn’t know why his body freezes, his hand just a couple of centimetres away from the futon mattress.

 

“Haru…” He can feel his hot body pressed against his back, his mouth just against his skull. Rin’s hand comes and catches his own to pull it back along his side. “Maybe we don’t need that…”

 

Haru is too shy and weak to turn and face him, for various reasons. He knows his cheeks are getting red, not too much but Haru never blushes much expect when Rin is involved, and he knows Rin has already noticed. He knows his head is just a breath away, dangerously close and inviting. Haru feels his forces are sucked away by each part of Rin’s body that touched his own. He melts into his torso, lets out a sigh and surrenders. It’s going to be Australia all over again. It is what Rin wants; his hand on his cheek, caressing his hair, his lips flirting with his own but never achieving their goal.

 

As he sinks in the bathtub Haru wonders how all of this will end this time.

 

It could be that Rin didn’t want to be a burden. Haru’s bed is large enough for two and they have done it already more than once, share the same bed; it’s nothing new for them, especially if Rin is still not aware of the kind of thought run inside Haru’s mind from time to time, when they’re too close, when Rin is asleep or vulnerable, when his guard is down and Haru sees the real him. His eyes are opened in the water, gazing blankly at the deformed ceiling in front of him. There’s a voice in his head shouting to snap out of it. That Rin was just as fully awake as he was that night in Australia, that he knew what was going on and let it happened, craved for it just as much as Haru did.

 

Haru resurfaces to let air filled his lungs. His vision is still blurry, his body hot and restless. Are they going to sleep just next to each other? Will Rin let him close to him, hugging him, touching him, kissing him if Haru finally dares to? Will his lips taste like cherry blossom…

 

Before he realizes his hand has gone in between his legs. Haru jerks his head backward as he strokes himself slowly, his head full of how he imagines Rin’s skin to feel under his touch. This had been the problem all along. The longing, the want, Haru wants Rin in many ways and that’s probably why he had felt so much on edge. He wants him. He wants him.

 

He lets the thought sink in.

 

His hand squeezes his head, his hips jerks at the contact. He’s close.

 

He knows it’s not all. There’s more than just want. He’d be lying to himself if he only admits it’s just simple lust. There’s more, so much more it scares him-

 

“Haru? Have you seen my-”

 

The door opens while Haru’s eyes are still closed. He opens them with a start and his hand comes back to the side of the tub.

 

“…phone?”

 

It’s on the sink next to his toothbrush. Rin walks in, ignoring the mortified look on Haru’s face who’s almost tempted to disappear under the surface of his bath.

 

“I need to call mom and Gou just to say I’m safe and sound.” The shirt Haru gave him is too tight for him. It shows just how well built he is. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

 

Haru stares at his back, then at the door he closed behind him even after Rin is gone. Never had he felt so embarrassed before in his life. Australia was just a bad memory next to…Haru takes his head in his hand and rest it against his knees. What a fool. How is he going to face Rin after that?

 

He sinks into the water again, thinking it would hide his tears but surprisingly he has none to waste. His body and mind are frozen in a state of torpor he cannot get out on his own. His heartbeat, loud and quick, is the only thing that tells him he’s still alive unfortunately.

 

Did he see? Was he shocked or disgusted?

 

Once again Rin didn’t let anything appear. That was mortifying. Not knowing, being in this endless circle of incertitude will turn him crazy before anything else does.

 

He should have turned around earlier. He should have met Rin’s gaze, held it, and kiss him. Rin would have pinned him against the wall, they would have had sex and everything would have been much easier and better for both of them.

 

Haru comes quickly, his fantasies in mind. The moment after everything turns back to normal. There’s no way Rin would do something like that. It’s not even what he wants after all. He’s so fucked up; Rin fucks him up too much tonight.

 

 

 

Rin turns his gaze to the stairs as soon as he’s finished with his calls. Someone’s coming; a tall man with board shoulders – it’s Makoto, with bag on his back.

 

“Oh! Rin!” He runs to him, a wild smile appear on his face. “Nice to see you! When did you arrive?”

 

“Just a couple of hours ago,” Rin is just as glad to see his friend. “Are you staying the night at Haru’s?”

 

“Well, yes, he called me a couple of minute ago, but he didn’t tell me you were there.”

 

“That little shit, he likes keeping stuff for himself.” Rin mutters.

 

“It’s weird though; I would have bet he’d wanted to stay a night alone with you.” Makoto points out genuinely.

 

Makoto notices too late he’s just hit a sensitive spot. “Well, he’s…did something happen? I find him a little bit…out, you know? Not totally himself, like he has his heart up to his sleeves. He’s not usually so easy to read.”

 

Makoto put his bag to the ground. “Oh, he didn’t tell you yet?”

 

 

 

Haru is more than happy to see the comforting face of his best friend when the door opens. Makoto will make it easier for him to act around Rin. Plus, it’s more than time they talk about the issues.

 

_There is no issue,_ he catches himself thinking.

 

(It’s hard to get away from denial.)

 

Haru takes the first opportunity he’s got and drags Makoto in the bathroom the moment Rin goes out to phone Sousuke. As soon as the door closed Haru sits against the wall and wraps his arms around his knees.

 

Makoto kneels in front of him, worry painted on his face. “What happened?” He asks.

 

Haru wants to tell him, but the facts just sound childish and bizarre without context. Something like, “Rin proposed we sleep together in my bed, I got horny and he caught me masturbating in the bathroom.”

 

It’s not until he looks back at Makoto than he realizes he had indeed say that aloud. He turns his head away with shame, his cheeks reddened.

 

“Tell me…I’ve always wanted to ask, but felt like you would tell me when the right time came…but…did anything happen in Australia between you two?”

 

Haru squeezes his eyes. How can he always spot what the problem is so easily?

 

“Something happened, right?”

 

“No,” Haru starts, then realizes it’s the biggest mistake of his life. Something did. Everything changed for him after that night. “…Almost.”

 

Makoto sighs. “Ah, that’s it. You know I can always feel when something is wrong with you. When it concerns Rin it’s always different though. You retract in your own world harsher than with anything else, you don’t let anyone in, not even yourself.”

 

Haru tilts his head against the tilled wall of his bathroom, looking elsewhere. “He was asleep. I tried to kiss him. No I didn’t. I just…I don’t know what I was trying to do.”

 

“No, you said it just now. You wanted to kiss him.” Makoto tells him firmly.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“You do. You’re just too scared to admit it. Haru, it’s been years since primary school, I thought you’d be passed that already.” Makoto sits in front of him, closely watching that the door remains shut from Rin’s presence. “You do love him, right?”

 

Hare remains still, his eyes still on the ceiling. “I don’t know.” He replies after a while.

 

Makoto sighs again, this time with exasperation. “Okay. You don’t know. You just thought kissing him while he was asleep was a good idea. Then what happened?”

 

“I was so close but then I thought that he wasn’t sleeping anymore and I stopped.”

 

“Why did you stop?”

 

“Because he might have been awake.”

 

“That doesn’t tell me why you stopped.”

 

Haru finally gives him a look to show how annoyed he feels.

 

“You were afraid he might reject you.”

 

“It was just a silly idea. I didn’t want anything to change between us.”

 

“But it did.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“It was too late already.”

 

“Yes! I know that!” Haru says, exasperated. “Because of that time, because of me we…I…being with Rin alone feels different.”

 

“Are you sure things have changed so much?” Makoto asks.

 

Haru frowns, looking back at Makoto, intrigued. “What do you mean by that?”

 

“That I know you by heart, and I think I know Rin quite a lot as well. I’ve seen you act around the other for years now. From the very beginning, even the moment you two met I felt there was something invisible that drags you by his side. You had always been attracted to him, no matter how you fight the idea, Haru. He was the first person who truly changed you. He is the only one you react so violently about, in a good or bad way. You started swimming relays thanks to him, you stopped swimming because of him, you made new friends because of the legacy he left us. You started swimming again when he reappeared into your life, you’ve found your goal in life after he took you to Australia and now you’re going to take over the world together. I don’t know two others people that are like you. Haru, do you realize how lucky you two are? What you two have…it’s so rare, it’s unique.” Makoto sits next to Haru, who had gone silent, his eyes on the ground but listening carefully – Makoto can tell because of the small tears appearing in the corner of his eyes. “I envy you. Because you’ve found someone like that so early in your life. I’m also angry because you can’t see how lucky you are.”

 

“No,” Haru finally speaks, his voice crackled. “I know that. I know Rin is a blessing.”

 

“Then why are you so scared? You think he’d push you away for a stolen kiss? Your bond is so much stronger than that!”

 

“Is it really?”

 

“For god sake Haru!” Makoto massages his temples, he’s gotten a year older just listening to his best friend’s nonsense. “You must really be in love with him to feel so insecure about it. You know the answer already. You don’t have to be scared of anything. You’re just anxious because you don’t know how things will turn out. But be honest with yourself. You wanted to kiss him because you weren’t happy with how your relationship was going. You wanted more. You want it to change but at the same time you’re scared, aren’t you? Changing is difficult but you’ve already done it before. You changed your goal, you changed town.”

 

“But Rin is different.”

 

“Yes, he is; but do you really want him to stay a friend all your life? Do you want to see him marry someone else, make his life far from you, be happy without you?”

 

Haru shakes his head. That’s an easy answer, too easy it hits home so strongly. For the first time the answer he’s been looking for is so simple, so evident.

 

“It still doesn’t tell me if he is feeling the same about me.” Haru says then.

 

He knows Makoto finds him stupid for thinking that because ‘it’ should be obvious – but it’s not, absolutely not – and for a moment he is angry that his friend doesn’t recognize he’s just made a tremendous effort by acknowledging his love for Rin. That hadn’t been easy, far from that, but now everything makes sense, more or less. Makoto was right about his fear; changes scare him, losing his balance with Rin scares him more than anything but he wouldn’t be happy either if things stayed the way they were.

 

“I’ll leave the rest to you. I won’t speak up for Rin.” Makoto stands up, his knees in pain for staying in the same position for too long. “Do you want me to go?”

 

“It would be weird if you left just like that after you came all the way, wouldn’t it?”

 

“I’m sure Rin will understand.”

 

“You forgot he caught me masturbating and I feel too embarrassed to face him alone.”

 

Makoto turns a bit red and makes an unamused face. “I forgot about that detail. For what it’s worth, he has no idea you were thinking about him, has he?”

 

Haru shoves a towel to his face. “Don’t make fun of me.”

 

“I’ll be sleeping with you then?” Makoto asks, directing his steps to the exit. Rin must be done by now, they have been talking for a while.

 

When Haru doesn’t reply, Makoto turns around, puzzled. Haru’s cheeks are crimson red.

 

“…Don’t tell me…You’re going to give me the futon…”

 

“That way we can still sleep together and Rin won’t be scare I’d tried something because I can’t control my hormones.”

 

Makoto almost tells him the back of his mind and that Rin would actually like that very much, but he chooses the tranquillity of his sleep instead.

 

 

 

He wakes up first in the morning. Haru and Rin are sleeping face to face just a couple of centimetres away. They look quiet, peaceful, happy. He can see Haru had tried to take Rin’s hand in his sleep, their fingers touched between them without fulling grabbing the others. He leaves without a word.

 

As soon as the door closes Haru opens his eyes. The sun is so bright in the morning, blinding, breath taking. Dawn is his favourite time of the day. He leans in and steals a kiss on Rin’s forehead before getting up to prepare breakfast. The second after, Rin opens his eyes as well.

 

 

 

Haru’s back in the tub in the morning, but this time it’s no to hide from his fear but to decide how to move forward.

 

Choosing the right words is difficult. He wants it to be perfect for Rin. Somehow he guesses Rin would also want him to act, to show him and not only tell him, he needs to find a romantic place first – the pool? In a Park? At the cinema? Maybe they could go see a romantic comedy or something like that.

 

His eyes are set on the ceiling again but this time they are filling with determination. That’s probably why he misses Rin entering the bathroom again and jolts when he breaks into his peripheral vision.

 

“What, you forgot your phone again?” He asks.

 

But Rin doesn’t reply. Instead he looks at him so seriously in the way Haru dread he would. He doesn’t stir his gaze away from his eyes while he undresses entirely and joins him on the other side of the bathtub. Haru watches him, dumbfounded. Rin stretches his left leg and his foot ends next to Haru’s face.

 

“What are you doing?” He asks, his voice hollow.

 

“I thought you might need some help.” Rin replies. His eyes leave his face to gaze down the water in between Haru’s leg. Haru forgets how to breathe for a moment. Quickly Rin’s eyes are back on him, transfixing him like daggers. What does he try to achieve by that? Scaring the hell out of him? Flirting? Taking care of things?

 

Rin is the one who changed school to swim a relay with him. Haru knows it wasn’t just for him still the idea is nice to his ears. He’s the one who took him to Australia, who pushed him around out of his boundaries every time. It’s the same Rin he’s facing now. His Rin, at long last.

 

Haru relaxes when he finds out, eventually after all this time, that he just needs to take that step forward to get away from the lethargic state he’s been in since yesterday. Rin is offering him the opportunity again. He doesn’t deserve another chance.

 

He leans against the back of the tub, his cheek brushing past Rin’s foot. “I took care of it myself.” He says calmly. He didn’t remember the water to be so hot before Rin came in. He knows already how he’s blushing slightly, how his pupils are dilated just because he knows Rin is naked in front of him, he hopes Rin won’t find out how aroused he is already when he changes position and comes in his arms.

 

“Haru, you were crying yesterday.”

 

It catches Haru off guard. In the mess that yesterday had been he had forgotten about that detail, forgot that Rin might be hyper aware of everything he did just like he was. His hands are on his face, caressing invisible tears away. “Why were you crying?”

 

He hadn’t known what it was, when the tears had flooded, he couldn’t understand what the ache in his chest was and this feeling that bloomed so strongly.

 

“Because I missed you.” He says. _Wrong_ , he thinks. No, not wrong, _incomplete_. But the words won’t come out yet. “I watched you doing daily life chores with me under my roof and I realized I’ve missed you so much. That I wanted you around more. That you’re going to leave a hole behind you when you leave once again.”

 

“Again?”

 

“When you left the first time, after the first relay.” Haru tells him. He never talked about it with anyone, not even with Makoto but he had surely figured out on his own. “When you show me your sight and left the next day. It left a hole in my heart. I didn’t realize it until years later, until you came back.”

 

“Haru…”

 

Rin’s eyes have softened, as if he hadn’t expected this at all, as if he had no idea he had affected Haru so much so early. Did he have any idea of…how could he not?

 

“I’ve missed you so much back then. And then when I saw you again I…I was so happy I…”

 

Haru drops his head, the memory of their fight too vivid in his mind thanks to the recent events. He feels his eyes burning at the memory.

 

“I had no idea.” Rin says. “I really should have called.”

 

“Yeah,” Haru laughs a bit, it eases the pain to realize Rin remembers his words after so many years, “You should have.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

 

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything. Haru, about what happened…it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault at all.”

 

“It was. At least partly. What would have happened if you had won?”

 

Rin caresses his hair, secures Haru’s face in the crook of his neck. “I would have collapse just the same, maybe a bit later but what, weeks later? The outcome for me would have been the same. The wall I hit was in Australia, not in Japan. It wasn’t you. You were what kept me going despite everything.”

 

Rin holds him closer when he feels his body trembling. “I would have been lost without you, Haru, from the very beginning. You never, ever, hurt me, okay? If someone did, it was me; and I’ll forever feel sorry and grateful that you accepted me into your life again.”

 

“As if you would have given me the choice.”

 

Haru straightens his head and smiles back at Rin, real tears slowly running down his cheeks. Rin bitterly smiles back and kisses the tear away.

 

“Please…tell me you would have given me no choice.”

 

Rin kisses the tears until they are none, and when he’s finished Haru doesn’t feel like letting his lips alone. He links his arms behind Rin’s head and searches for them. They don’t taste like cherry blossom; just like Rin. They are warm and soft, so soft and loving. Their warmth fills Haru with joy and happiness down his belly. He isn’t surprised that Rin kisses him back at last.

 

Rin runs his tongue on his bottom lip, Haru opens his mouth to let him in. He tilts his head on the side and hums when their tongues meet for the first time. They part when Haru feels breathless. Rin’s cheeks are just as red as his own.

 

“Were you awake?”

 

He doesn’t have to explain what he’s referring to. Rin knows already.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why didn’t you do anything?”

 

Rin leans in and kisses him again, softly. “Because. I was waiting for you.”

 

“I had done most of the path. I was literally just a breath away.”

 

“Yes. I know. But that distance…it felt like a ravine to jump across. I figured out that if you stopped, it was because of a good reason, that you weren’t sure, that you needed more time…”

 

“I got scared you were awake. I got scared I was going to screw things up again.”

 

“How many times do I have to tell you? You didn’t screw up anything with me. You never will.”

 

They kiss again, more passionately this time, just their lips crushing on the others, fingers caressing their skulls, their breaths coming out of their nose.

 

 

Would it have been the same if he had kissed him in Australia?

 

Was it really important?

 

The past is in the past. What matters right now, is the future, their future, and how they are going to handle it.

 

“You know, about yesterday,” Haru says, breaking their kiss and pushing Rin a little bit away so he can have a clear vision of his face, “I don’t think I have been very honest, with you or with myself.”

 

“About what?” Haru feels Rin’s hand caressing his thigh and getting dangerously higher, he stops him just in time before it degenerates before he says what needs to be said.

 

“Not that. About the tears. I told you it was because I missed you, but I don’t think that was it all.” Haru says quietly, almost as quietly as a whisper. “I was thinking of how wonderful it was to have you here with me. I started thinking that I really wanted you here, despite knowing how important it is for you to be in Australia right now. I was being selfish about you and I didn’t like that at all. It ached. I think I realized just at that moment, when you were humming contently while cooking for me, that I was truly in love with you, and that I wanted you to stay with me. Always.”

 

Rin laughs awkwardly to hide his embarrassment. “So, what, they were tears of love?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Fuck. You idiot. I’m supposed to be the romantic one.”

 

“Said the man who has joined me naked in my bath.”

 

Rin doesn’t even bite back. He’s crying too, tears of love running and running and filling the bath.

 

“Haru you have…no idea…of how much I love you. I’ve loved you…for so long…I’ve always…”

 

“Ush, it’s okay.” Haru takes him in his embrace and rests his hands on his back. His fingers travel down and up his spine. “It’s okay. We’re here now. Together. It’s all that matter.”

 

“You were always so hard to read,” Rin goes on, “Always so different from people I know, but when you swim it’s like you’re not part of this world. I thought I would never be good enough to reach you. That I’ll never be worth of your gaze, your words, your friendship. I pushed my luck more than once with you, and each time it worked you left me speechless because I was thinking, why is it working? How?”

 

“Rin, you’re saying nonsense. I was the one blessed with your presence.”

 

“Are you, really?”

 

“Rin, you have no idea of how much you mean to me.”

 

The sun baths the room, lingers on Rin’s white skin and makes it shines as it reflects on pearls of water. Haru kisses him until the tears stop. They rest in each other’s’ embrace until the water turns too cold. How could they have stayed so obvious to each other’s feelings? Were they too scared to see that what they wanted to see was real? Were they too young to understand what their hearts were yelling? Nonetheless, Haru will need a lifetime to figure out what Rin sees in him, and the same could perhaps be said for Rin.

 

_‘My name is Rin Matsuoka. My name sounds like a girl, but I’m a boy!’_

 

_‘Hey, Nanase, swim a relay with me.’_

 

_‘I’m living for Australia tomorrow.’_

 

_‘If you swim with me, I’ll show you a sight you’ve never seen before.’_

 

_‘Romantic, right?’_

 

_‘I quid.’_

 

_‘Haru, you’re still hanging out with these guys?’_

_‘I’ll never swim with you, ever again.’_

 

_‘Why isn’t it ‘free’?’_

 

_‘You’ve showed me the best sight I could have asked for.’_

 

_‘I’m going to turn that cold gaze of yours and make it hot.’_

 

_‘I’ve always admired you.’_

 

_‘Without you I have nothing to aim for.’_

All the moments they have spent together, all the detours they took are bricks that make their story work together. The rest is up to them. The future lies in their hands.

 

 

“I’m going back to Australia after the trial.” Rin tells him at lunch. Their stuffs are ready. They are waiting for Makoto Kisumi and Asahi to come. Haru is a little bit anxious because it’s the first time these two meet and he has no idea of what Kisumi told him about them – he knows he’s safe with Makoto but he doesn’t trust Kisumi on that sensitive stuff, he was impossible back in middle school.

 

“I figure.” Rin’s cooking is amazing. He came back with all sorts of recipes from Australia.

 

“I got a new coach, a personal coach I found there.” He goes on. “I don’t know what will happen from there, I guess it depends on the results.”

 

“Do you think of coming back here?”

 

“I don’t know, honestly. Do you want me to?”

 

Haru pours some water in his glass, unfazed by the question. He had had time to think about it.

 

“Not if you really want to. I don’t feel like we need to hurry. Things always happen at the right moment for us. I’m not scared anymore, I know you won’t leave like you did before.”

 

Rin takes his hand into his. “Wherever I am, I always think about you. You’re always in my thoughts when I swim. You never ever left me.”

 

Haru grasps his hand. “I know. It’s the same for me too.”

 

They smile at each other, contented. Haru hasn’t felt this light in ages. He feels his arms and legs could break any record of every trial. He feels the strength of a thousand men, the courage of a legion, the will of fire and perhaps he’d be confident enough to face Ikuya and his team mate alone to settle this mess.

 

This is just what being in love feels like.

 

It feels like the sun never falls on their hearts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> “Don't let what he wants eclipse what you need. He's very dreamy, but he's not the sun. You are."  
> This is a quote from Grey's anatomy I think about a lot.  
> Rin is the sun.  
> This probably needs edit and a good beta TBH this is just a day words' vomit. Also I wrote the quote by heart they might be slighty not accurate
> 
> (Also kudos to people who'll figure out what my favorite doujin is!)


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